The Reluctant Yes.

I haven't told this story to very many people but I want to share it with you.  I have written thousands of poems and with the exception of just a few I genuinely felt them to be ordinary.  So they just sat around.  Several online communities I had joined encouraged me to get published but I being ever my own critic said no.

Now we shall skip around and come back to that intro later on.  My Mother had suffered 5 strokes and was stricken by colon cancer.  She being old-school tough refused to die and became a survivor.  Solely because she refused to leave her 8 children without a mom no matter how old we had become.  The year was 2007 (a few years removed from the health concerns) when she became ill again.  The doctors suspected a return of the colon cancer.  As the baby of the great 8 she was always worried about me in general. 


Okay so my life was pretty much a mess and for a good year I called her often and read my poetry to her over the phone.  When she started to become ill again she decided to ask me to get published before she died.  I lacked the focus at that time to sort through the thousand plus poems that I had written.  At that time I had met a fellow poet that I shared daily life with.  LH made it her mission to get the manuscript done for my Mom to see before she passed away.  In fact my friend read all of my poems and did everything it took except lick the stamp.  The manuscript went out to several publishers and both of them accepted it, however the time frame was up to 18 months and that would be too late.  So I went with Publish America because they were talking a 3 month time table.

In July at 6 AM on the 7th of that month I received a phone call from my brother but it wasn't the phone call that the family was expecting.  My Dad had been diagnosed the day before with lung cancer and only had a few months to live.  Now my Mom was very determined for my book to make it into my Father's hands before he died. 

My Father was a living example of what a man should be.  A hard working, faithful husband, provider to his family, honest and never ever would he quit on anything.  He loved his wife (the absolute love of his life) and his children.  However the words "I love you" never meant much to him.  He felt that they were just words.  So I never heard them as a child and my entire adult life until I handed him my first book.  He was weak by that time and could barely be heard but those words came out of him and hit my ears loud and clear.  He kissed the book and strolled his tremendous but quivering hand over the cover.  He died the very next day. 

I was ever so reluctant to put my poetry out there into a book.  However when it wasn't about me I gained a little focus that resulted in a moment that made my heart burst and burned my Dad's love and words into my soul forever.

My Dad's death was a shock to my entire family because we were all consumed by my Mom.  Unfortunately she only lived another three months after Dad died and never got to see my second book that she requested.  She died from pancreatic cancer, it wasn't diagnosed until a month before she died.

Reasons may vary but if you are sitting on about 90 or more poems waiting for a moment or some guts to get them published, well now is the moment.  You just never know when it could be too late.

Like me you might be a little reluctant to put a book out into the world, but the thing is isn't that what writing poetry is all about?  You create pieces of your heart, your life and because it can be so deeply felt you truly have an obligation to share it with others.  Maybe just one of your poems might touch someone so completely that it changes their lives or even saves it.  Before you bury your work with the word no firmly planted on the top.....just maybe you should consider a yes.



Love.Me